Lesbian Visibility Week 2023: Kat Parsons

Kat Parsons (she/her)

Head of Diversity, Inclusion and Belonging  

ISS UK & Ireland

What does “being visible” mean to you?

For me being visible means be proud. Being proud to talk about my wife, my rainbow children, my lifestyle, the challenges I have had to face and the struggle with my sexuality and the response to coming out as a teenager. I was ‘different’ as a child, I was labelled a ‘tomboy’ because of the things I liked and the hobbies I had. I was encouraged to be different and be myself but that didn’t stretch to any discussions around my sexuality. I didn’t really even know what a lesbian was – I didn’t know any, see any or have any roles models. Being visible for me now is being a role model for others.  I try to be as visible as possible and also role model for my children. I have an 8-year-old daughter whose friends regularly share that they wished they had 2 mums too! Children are so much more accepting today and although my daughter did get some stick from some older boys at school, she dealt with it all so cooley when she told them that, yes, her mum was a lesbian, but she actually prefers the word gay or queer.  

What are you expecting from this year’s lesbian visibility week?

I have never been in a company that has celebrated Lesbian Visibility Week. My background has been very male dominated industries and workplaces and therefore this has never come up and therefore I have never celebrated this event. Now I have changed to work in FM it is such an open space and so diverse to celebrate all kinds of diversity within our workforce. For me the week is about showing our employees, Placemakers, and customers that we are actively supporting the LGBTQIA+ community as part of our overall Diversity, Inclusion & Belonging strategy. I’m expecting to hear a lot about allyship and actions to support the Lesbians in our community. At ISS we will be discussing our new suite of parental policies in press which provide support for family formation including IVF and fertility treatment, donor, surrogacy and baby loss.  

What are the key challenges LGBTQI women face today?

The biggest challenges I have had to face are when I started a family. I have two children aged 13 and 8 years old. The company I was working at only had a maternity and paternity policy, however my partner carried our children. This meant that I was made to use the paternity policy which only referred to men, fathers, he/him. This was not a comfortable experience; all the work forms I had to complete also only stated men/he/him/his. There was no sense on inclusion at all, I felt ‘odd’ and being pushed into a process and procedure that wasn’t designed to cater for me as a lesbian. My partner suffered with depression after our first child, and I asked my line manager if I could be kept local to home as I was site based at the time. A request I knew had been man by my male peers who has also started families in recent years. My request was dealt with by ignoring the request…it was too uncomfortable to be discussed and even when I pushed, I was told changing the work scheduled was too difficult and I was needed for 3 weeks in Scotland when I lived in Suffolk.  

How important have queer role models been to you and did you have any growing up?

There were very few visible lesbians when I grew up in 80/90’s. I think if there had have been I would have known you can have a ‘normal’ life and a good job, children and a supportive network of friends and family, but for me this was invisible. I remember being very young and having to come to terms with the fact that if I fancied girls, I would never be able to start a family which I really wanted at some point in my life. If there had have been more role models, I don’t think this stage would have been so scary.

Have you ever been treated differently at work because of your sexuality?

Sometimes yes, in that I have been part of very male conversations because I also like women. I have witnessed catcalling in front of me because it was thought that I wouldn’t have an issue given I would clearly also like to ‘look at the rack on her’. Unacceptable comments that at the time I didn’t feel I could report as I was junior in the business, I was in. I needed and wanted respect from my male peers so that meant not standing up to this behaviour. I also think I that previous male managers have been intimated by me, and this is something that has taken a long time to work through for me. I am a very confident person, I when I was finally happy with who I was, my sexuality, my identity and I was happy to tell anyone and everyone (after a quick assessment of where I was for safety reasons), I think that male line managers found this forwardness and openness about being a lesbian hard to handle. There aren’t many lesbians in a company that is 80% men so not the ‘norm’.

What would your advice be to other women who might be struggling to come to terms with their sexuality and how that might affect them in the workplace?

To work effectively and to your full potential you need to be 100% YOU. If you are having to hide yourself or you partner/family, then this is not going to help to achieve your best. When I used to refer to my ‘partner’ when I was at work people would assuming I was talking about a “he/him” partner and not a “she/her”. They would add a pronoun that I hadn’t offered in the start of the conversation, so I then had a choice between correct then, feel uncomfortable and embarrassed or just carry on talking about not correct or add any pronouns. It was so tiring hiding all the time and trying not to trip up or be found out. If you don’t feel you can bring your full authentic self to work and you don’t feel psychological safe….my advice…find another company to work for who is open about its commitment to diversity and inclusion.

What’s the main message you’d want to give to any queer women or allies reading this?

My message to other queer women is: be 100% you, be proud, shout about it and be the best role model you can be. For me this is a role model at work but also at home, for friends and family to know that I’m not ‘different’ as I was labelled as a kid – I’m just Kat Parsons and this is exactly who I am, wife and children included.